Trauma Shaming

Your problems are not as bad as that guys!

We’ve all seen it or experienced it. Whether it’s from someone we know, a stranger online, or the depths of our own mind.

We have shared or considered the difficulties we face and are made to feel guilty because someone else has it worse.

“You have a broken toe? Well, that guy over there lost both legs in the war, fighting for your freedom; stop complaining.”

Have you seen it?

“Your job doesn’t pay enough? Well, at least you have a job. Try and show a little gratitude, will ya? And go get a second or third job if you can’t deal with it.”

Sound familiar?

“You got the flu? Well, there are people dying of cancer, so man up buttercup, this world has not even begun to screw you over yet.”

Are you seeing where I’m going?

When you grow up in this world of pain, we learn to deal with suffering. We suck it up. We turn to booze and drugs. We try philosophies and religions. We internalize it and then beat our dog, spouse or neighbor.

We cannot stand to hear whining because whining gets you ate by the monsters of this world. You must suck it up and develop ulcers instead.

So, when someone speaks of their suffering or trauma, there are people who try to silence them. They often use shame as a tool. Trauma Shaming.

The fact is that most of the time trauma shaming occurs because people cannot handle hearing the truth. If they hear the truth they might have to respond, or the truth might lead to change.

So, they want to silence you.

Maybe not knowingly. They are just parroting the things they’ve been told. It’s based upon false notions regarding complaining. It’s wrong to complain, they say. But, apparently its wrong to support and encourage people also.

There are many excuses for trauma shaming.

But, silence is the outcome. And silence leads to keeping things the way they are.

The human subconscious does not really create levels of suffering. It’s all the same. We learn new levels of suffering through life.

A baby who loses a bottle is not worried about the other starving kids in the world. It just thinks that life sucks because the bottle’s gone.

The baby thinks this is the worst thing, until something worse happens.

Learning to deal with the suck of life is part of it. We can learn great spiritual truth from the troubles we bear.

There’s value in the growth that occurs as we deal with the problems of life.

But, what sort of value comes from belittling another human being who is experiencing trouble. If you can’t or won’t help, then at least pray for them or shut up.

We even tend to do this to ourselves.

We might feel bad about our job, but then we consider that kids in Thailand work in sweat shops. So, we shame ourselves into silence. They have it so much worse.

But, if we actually looked at the problems we face, no matter how small we want to make them, and work to change it. We might also, change things for the kid in the sweat shop eventually.

This world is full of evil. Instead of shaming people into silence, we need to start working to fix it. Speaking of these things can also help us get it out and heal or find help.

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Bio: Chris Bunton is a writer, poet and blogger.

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