The Art Of Asking For Help

There’s a method.

Are you really seeking help? Or is it a con?

This is what a person must overcome nowadays. Everyone is asking for something and when you try to engage or be nice you find yourself in a trap you cannot get out of without being a jerk.

Let’s say you have a friend who says “Hey, are you busy today?”

Well, number one, I’m always busy. I do not just sit in darkness waiting for your call.

And this sort of question is a trap.

Are you wanting me to go to the beach to hangout and eat yummy snacks?

Or are you wanting me to show up and carry 6 tons of furniture up and down stairs so you can move for the 5th time this year?

Since I never get the beach invite, I will assume the latter.

See?

So, when I say.

“No. I’m not busy.” I have just opened a whole can of possible trouble.

So, when you reach out, you need to give info. Not ask open questions.

“Hey! I’m going to the beach. Wanna go!”

See?

Or “Hey, I really need help moving furniture. We are doing it on Saturday, around 10am I’m buying lunch. Can you help?”

See how beautiful that is?

When you ask a question like.

“Are you available Saturday?”

And I say “No, I’m busy”

Don’t come back and say “What are you up to?”

Trying to catch me in a lie, or being nosy, or trying to invite yourself.

I will just eventually destroy this friendship and I won’t have to bother with you anymore.

And you might think I’m harsh. But, the sort of people who use these open questions are typically users. They have done this so often they know how to play the game to get kind people into traps to use them.

And in case you are wondering. No…I don’t have many friends.

Real friends are rare and different from fake friends.

Now understand.

I’m all about helping people.

But, don’t try to play games with me. I’ll do what I can.

Let’s look at someone asking for money.

“Hey! You got any money?”

This is a trap. They are trying to get you to lie or give more, or fight about it.

So you say “No man, I’m broke.”

Then, an hour later they see you posted pics of being down town feeding the ducks and eating ice cream.

Now they are mad, and call you a liar.

But, actually you just care more about ducks and ice cream than you do about your free loading friends, and don’t really want to fight about it. So, you lie.

It happens.

I’m not a liar. I’m avoiding conflict in order to spare your feelings.

See?

I’m kind.

Now, if my friend had just asked

“Hey man, you got ten bucks, I need it to put gas in the car for work?”

Yes! Yes! Actually let’s fill up your tank.

See?

There is an art to begging. You have to take the anxiety and conflict out of it.

People are more than happy to help others.

I personally want to help people and I’m ready for it.

When I travel, I put cash in my pocket, prepared for pan handlers.

When they ask for help, I can just give them a 5 or 10 in the blink of an eye without having to whip out the wallet. I have the money ready, and it’s safer.

My wife says that God brings them to me.

I think I just look like a sucker.

Maybe it’s both.

When we travel, pan handlers magically appear and seek me out. I want to help them.

And that’s ok.

When you want to give and help, people can’t really take advantage of you that easily. Because it doesn’t matter. They think they got away with something. But, I’m overjoyed to help. Win/Win.

I say all of this, to stress that when you need help, ask people. There are folks dying to help. But, when you ask, you must make it easier for them to know how to help, and what you really need. Not like a strong arm robber.

Life is hard enough without making it hard on others.

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Photo by pexels/Timur Weber