Spiritual Abuse

It’s not from God

I’ve been involved with Churches and ministries for at least 20 years. I’ve seen things. Things that are not from God. 

But first let’s define spiritual abuse. WebMD says, it’s “any attempt to exert power and control over someone using religion, faith or beliefs.”

Here’s my definition; because let’s be honest. If someone is mistreating me, I don’t need an experts definition. I know it when I feel it.

Spiritual abuse is when a person in a perceived position of authority uses spiritual things in order to hurt, control, steal, suppress or destroy another person.

This is not just Christian. It can be any religion, cult or guru. It can even be in para religious groups, such as Bible studies, AA meetings, rehab centers, shelters, and family situations.

The location is less the issue. It centers on the person doing the abusing. No matter where they lurk.

These abusers are often charismatic or have some influence. They are highly deceptive. They are in positions that God probably did not put them in.

What’s that mean? 

Well, some people go into ministry not because of a call from God but because it is the family business. Or they saw a way to earn a living and get respect. Or even they wanted to help people.

But, they were not called by God. It’s possible they don’t even know God. They are doing the ministry work in their own power, probably for money only.

Now there’s more to it than this. Jesus said, “By their fruits you shall know them.” These abusers, do not know God, so they cannot truly exhibit the fruits of the Spirit.

Sure, they can obey rules. A chimpanzee can obey rules. But, having love, joy, peace, patience, wisdom ….. is something that really can’t be faked.

Now understand that no one is perfect. We fail. Also understand that God wants to save the abuser as well, and might be trying to draw them to Himself. People make mistakes.

It takes a while to grow fruit. Good or bad. They didn’t become abusers over night. Things have happened to them and Satan has worked to destroy them. Pray for them.

But, these folks should not be in positions of power, just because they can take a few college classes and get their dad to ordain them.

Ok?

It’s hard because the Bible teaches that we should support authority and believe that it is put in place by God. Since God is all powerful, it is believed then that all leaders are in power because of God. An abuser will make sure you remember this. His or her victim followers will make sure you remember this. This is what leads to the Hitlers, and the Stalins and the Jim Joneses.

But, no where in God’s Word are we led to support evil. We are not forced to abide with with false teachers or false brethren, or false leaders. There is no fellowship with the children of Belial.

Did David stay with Saul? No. He left, and confronted and exposed him every chance he got. He did not kill God’s anointed. But, he did not hang out with him or let Saul kill him either.

There will be a pattern of abuse. There will be others who have tasted it or sensed it. People driven from the church. Employees leaving oddly. God will often give signs and point things out if you’ll notice.

Remember, Jesus came to set us free. Anything that seeks to hold you hostage is probably not good.

The abusers will probably twist scriptures to say that the freedom is only spiritual and it comes through obeying and following the abuser, or some other twisting.

The abuser doesn’t want you free. The abuser needs to control you, and keep you silent, and obeying. A wolf in sheep’s clothing who fleeces and devours the sheep.

Notice, that all the scriptures they use will be twisted to a form of control, and that control will then be twisted to the church, employer, or government. They will claim that you must find God only at church. Then, they will claim that that means THEIR church.

Understand that Jesus set us free and turns us to a relationship with God. Is that what your abuser tells you?

A real leader from the Lord, will follow God. He will be led of the Spirit and seek to do God’s Will. He will teach from the Word and try to walk in the Spirit. This doesn’t mean he won’t sin. We all sin. But, he will be so focused on serving God, that he doesn’t have time to play games like trying to manipulate people or trick them into following him. He will let God guide you to where He wants you to be.

It doesn’t have to be sexual or physical abuse. Or abuse through neglect or preventing healthcare, or anything.

It can simply be a constant effort of making you feel, guilt, fear and shame. This is not love. 

It’s a feeling of being worthless. It’s a feeling of ostracism, if you don’t obey. They won’t kick you out totally because that would be a loss of control. They want you to crawl back and obey. They want you to be a second class citizen and sit under their footstool as it says in James.

If you are saved, then you are free in Christ, and it’s between you and God, how He defines your freedom. He’ll tell you.

Spiritual abuse is very sneaky. It can appear to be the tenets of a religion. But, there’s no real love. Not really. There’s no real peace. No joy. It’s just rules and fear.

Satan uses these abusers to keep people away from God. To keep the real Saints confused and too busy to fight. And to kill, steal and destroy. To hurt people.

You know what’s happening to you. Pray about it. Take steps to escape. Ask God to lead you.

I’m not saying we always run away from trouble. Sometimes, God has you there to serve Him. Sometimes, He might be using you to expose the abuser, so God can correct them.

You must have a relationship with God and listen to Him. Anger, bitterness, and resentment can lead to revenge. Then, you can become just the same as your abuser.

Abusers do not have to act alone. Sometimes it can be a group. Abusers tend to find each other. They can be like vampires, where the head vampire creates and promotes the vampires under him or her as reward or to keep control.

They can work together to destroy people who might oppose them. When you try to complain, they will say that “All churches are like this.” Which is really not a good selling point. If all churches abuse their members then that’s a problem.

Remember, Jesus brings liberty. Control is the opposite of that. 

In everything, turn to God and let Him save you, guide you and heal you. He will lead you to where he wants you to be.

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Bio: Chris Bunton is a writer, poet and blogger from Southern Illinois. He has published in several magazines, and has written a poetry eBook called “Against the Man” and an Addiction Recovery eBook called “Made Free: Overcoming Addiction“  a collection of dystopian short stories.“The Future is Coming” and his latest book “The Latter Days‘ is a book on Bible Prophecy and avoiding the deceptions to come.

Follow Him on Medium: https://chris-bunton.medium.com/

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Read His Spiritual Writings on Blogger: https://chrisbunton.blogspot.com/

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