We need Change.

Once again I’m scrolling through news feeds and come across people murdered or committing suicide because of the nightmare that is our family court system.

Here’s the latest.

Anyone who has gone through the system knows it has flaws. But, for a great number of us it is utterly corrupt and broken.

I’m talking about divorce, child custody and child support.

Children and parents along with extended families are damaged because of these proceedings and they can be corrected.

First, when people get married they are required to have a marriage license. They should also be required to have a pre-nuptial agreement that spells out details of how things will proceed in a divorce with children and support.

Both parties are happy and in love and will make better choices during this time, than when they are bitter and full of hate later on.

These court proceedings are too adversarial. From the point divorce is decided and lawyers get involved, the common tactic is to destroy each other.

That needs to stop.

All divorces, custody and support issues should start out at 50/50 custody, no support.

Then, it can be adjusted from that point if there is actual PROVEN need. Not just claims. The burden of proof should be higher than civil, in these cases. Just because a person sits in court and cries does not mean the other parent is a monster who will harm the children.

Currently, the default setting is that the father pays child support and the mother gets custody. The father gets every other weekend to visit. The father is treated like a criminal despite lack of proof. He is viewed as unnecessary for the development of the children and is only needed for a pay check.

It’s common sense that a child needs both parents. So, why do courts seem to always lean in one direction?

Because of money.

First, the states are given money from the federal government for child support orders issued. Like most things from the government it is made extremely confusing so that you need a lawyer to understand it. But, basically when a court issues a child support order the federal government gives the states a certain amount of money to pay them back for the efforts to enforce the order. It is not equal. It is like 2 dollars for every dollar. So, the states make money on this.

And you thought the government cared about the best interests of the child?

Nope. The bigger the order the more money the states get. That’s why fathers are only given 4 days a month regardless of how good or bad the father is.

This should infuriate you. That our children are basically being sold.

You would think that smart people would see this and make changes. But again…

Lawyers make money off divorce, custody and support. So, why change it?

Now, let me clarify. I am going to write about some things below. What I am going to write about are the experiences of millions of people. Yes, millions. Divorce is at a 50% or more rate in our country.

I am going to speak on a large amount of cases. So, please do not write me and say “But, my husband and my case was different…we had a good divorce.” The word “Divorce” destroys everything good you might say. It implies destruction. Also, do not say…”But..but…my baby daddy was the worst. He drank and drugged and whored… he hit me and was a bad dude. He had no job and he’s a dead beat.” I get it. But, he was probably a drunken dead beat when you met him, and yet you decided to have kids with him. You only got mad, when you caught him cheating with your best friend.

Let’s be real.

People suck.

But, we can make things better.

I believe that starting all cases at 50/50 custody no support will help.

Currently the way it goes is that a woman or man will get a restraining order claiming things that might or might not be true. We don’t know because these orders require little proof and carry tons of weight that follow a person around for life.

So, now the father (or mother) cannot go home. He cannot contact the wife or kids.

If a father has money he can get a hotel room. But the order is for a month or more. That’s a lot of money. Maybe he can stay with a friend or family. But often no one wants to get involved because they don’t want to hurt the other persons feelings or be threatened with never seeing the kids again.

They might tell the father’s mother. “If you help him you’ll never see the kids again.” or its implied.

If the father tries to go to a shelter, he can’t because of the restraining order. Not only that but his right to bear arms has been destroyed without any proof.

And this is just the beginning of the nightmare of family law.

So, while this is going on the father learns that his accounts have been drained. So, the money he hoped to use for the hotel are gone. It’s quite possible that any other accounts he might have are frozen.

Are we having fun yet?

But, wait…the family law system has not even begun to destroy you and your family yet.

Because now the soon to be ex-wife calls the cops and claims you violated the order…no proof needed.

Welcome to jail. At least you don’t need to spend money on a hotel room.

But remember your possessions are still at the hotel, or are they? Did the police allow you the opportunity to go into your home and pack a bag for the road? Probably a very small bag while your being cussed at the whole time.

Or maybe your stuff is in a tent at the local camp ground where you’ve tried to live while still keeping a job.

Anyway, it’s all gone now.

We have not even gotten to court yet.

If you have money, or can get your mommy to loan you the money, you might be able to get a lawyer who will tell you that there is absolutely nothing he can do. Course, that’s after you pay him.

Now remember, you must HIRE an attorney. But she can easily find free attorneys. Whole entire non-profits geared toward helping her ruin your day.

So, you go to court for the restraining order, and they extend it. Because remember you “Violated” it.

Honestly I could go on and on and on. But, the point here is that people get driven to do terrible things by this time.

A restraining order only works for law abiding citizens who should not be treated that way.

Next we deal with custody and support.

Let’s be honest, the mother is getting the custody unless she is proven to be an ax murderer. But even then, there is room for lots of visitation.

Fathers have to watch terrible mothers raising kids and can do nothing.

Not all cases are like this…. There, I said it….. Now back to reality.

You should look up how many kids are killed by mommy’s new boyfriend. Then, compare that to how many kids are killed by daddy’s new girlfriend.

Here’s the reality, a man will not be able to have custody of his kids and forced to pay child support. While at the same time marrying another woman, and raising HER kids, while getting child support from another father. While watching HIM raise his kids.

Read that again. How much sense does that make?

How much sense does it make for doctors, soldiers, police officers, businessmen and other decent citizens who protect our society, to be deemed unable to have custody of their own kids?

Let’s continue.

You better keep that tent, you had to buy after you got kicked out of the house, because that’s all you’ll be able to afford once they establish the child support order.

Then, they get your employer to play bad cop and take the money out of every check. This leaves you zero reasons to show up every day. Course, they will guilt you into thinking it’s for the kids, but is it really? And if you quit your job or can’t pay or won’t pay they will rack that money up on your back till at a certain point they will take your drivers license, passport and lock you in jail.

Oh no… we are still not done with the nightmare.

Because every dime you don’t or can’t pay (Because the government doesn’t see a difference.) Is piled on your head and in some states it gains interest. Yes. And oddly enough it gains more interest than any bank would every pay YOU on your investments or savings…how odd is that?

And you will pay. It doesn’t matter if you die. They will come to hell and get the devil to garnish your burning keester.

Think I’m kidding?

They will use your social security number to find where you are working.

And if you think you’ll just earn cash. Think again. The court will just imagine an amount and stick it on you and force to pay that. Even if it’s only 10 dollars a month.

You will pay. You will collect aluminum cans and give all that money to the court.

And heaven forbid that one of your ex-wives friends, or some guy trying to get with her sees you working off books… They will snitch.

And you will pay. Yes, Daddio…you will pay.

And if you try to go to court and correct it, you will be told that it is impossible; because federal laws prevent it. You will be given a ridiculous analogy that compares child support to a bullet leaving a gun…it can’t be called back. Actually the analogy of a bullet going through your head is pretty apt.

When you look at this and consider the long term ramifications, it destroys families for decades. Sure, you might get a few dollars to help a mother pay bills. But, any long term wealth for families is gone. Consider millions of families who are paying money to other people instead of building wealth that can help them in the future.

Consider the destruction of relationships between children and their fathers. How many kids grew up without dads because this system drove them away or made it impossible to function? How many grandparents have lost grand kids because the family courts allow it? How many fathers are called deadbeats because they refuse to submit to an evil system?

So let’s go back to court.

Judge: “Well, Mr. Deadbeat I cannot give you custody of your children because you live in a tent. I cannot even really give you visitation unless it’s supervised. Also, I’m hesitant to do that until you get some anger management classes, because your wife has claimed you are a hot head, and your violation of the order proves that.”

Mr. Deadbeat: “But, your honor none of that is true. I’m in a tent because I lost everything and I’m trying to work to pay the child support. I don’t get mad like she claims.”

Judge: “I’m sorry. I know this can be an emotional time. I suggest taking the classes, we offer them for $100 dollars a session. I also suggest you get a second or possibly 3 or 4th job to pay your obligation and get with your attorney to discuss visitation with her attorney. Good luck to you.”

Mr. Deadbeat: But, I can’t afford an attorney.

Crickets…

This is just a small example of the nightmare of the family courts. This sort of nonsense can go on for years and take all kinds of forms. I wrote from a father’s perspective but it can be a mother going through it. No one is immune unless you have money. But, even then it’s a nightmare. We see public cases of famous people dealing with huge amounts of money and custody battles.

It needs to stop. It needs to change.

We all see what goes on and the destruction it causes and we act like it cannot be fixed. It can.

We see murders and suicides. We see mothers running off with kids to avoid custody battles. We see Amber alerts where a father grabs his kids to take them to Disney World. The news is full of murder, because a person knew the nightmare of the family court and decided to not go there.

How much death, pain and misery must happen to kids and parents before we fix the problem?

If we took the adversarial aspect out of these cases it could be a good start. If we set the standard at 50/50 custody no support, it can be a beginning.

At least the family court won’t be used as a payday or for revenge.

Kids love both parents. No matter how bad they are. And none of them are perfect.

The best interests of the child is the standard, but that is determined by the courts in an insane manner. Is it really in the best interests of the child to be given to a parent who cannot provide for them and forced to never see the other parent? Is that needed in every case?

It seems to be the standard today.

How many murders and suicides must happen?

It needs to change.

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Bio: Chris Bunton is a writer, poet and blogger from Southern Illinois. He has published in several magazines, and has written a poetry eBook called “Against the Man” and an Addiction Recovery eBook called “Made Free: Overcoming Addiction“ His newest book is called “The Future is Coming” and is a collection of dystopian short stories.

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Look into the Father’s Rights Movement if you have suffered through this sort of nonsense in the courts.